Jeremy Lavine Essays


Author Topic: Jeremy Lavine Essay
Grand Illusion
Jingle Bell Hock

One of my college computer professors told us, "If you can't be right, be funny. If I laugh, I may give you partial credit." On an exam, one student defined the networking term CSMA/CD as "Creative Students Must Always Create Definitions." He gave her credit for it, so I can believe almost anything about tests and papers.

BTW: Did anyone find out from the website what grade Jeremy Lavine was in when he wrote this? I could believe that this comes from an 8th-10th grader because he shows a certain well-roundedness and a little bit of knowledge of the subject matter. If this essay is genuine, it may be from someone who simply isn't good with words and gets his volcabulary from television.

Such is my 7th grade son; he's exceptionally intelligent but not the best writer or communicator. He once told us that karate is a Japanese farting technique. On one of his book reports of a book where the main characters endured many hardships, he ended his essay with, "It would suck to be them." Before he turned it in, he gave it to me to edit. I crossed out the line and wrote on the paper, "What can we learn from these characters?" In his next draft, he had removed the last line and simply replaced it with the text: "What can we learn from these characters?"

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary and those who do not.

"Are you pondering what I'm pondering?" - The Brain

Posts: 587 | From: Colorado | Registered: Jul 2000  |  IP: Logged | 
The Red and the Green Stamps

just to answer some of your alls questions, I happened on this site while searching for the web for information on various people from my high school. Jerem Lavine does exist, I was in his geosystems class last year (yes, geosystems, not english, thus the total ignorance of grammar) when he wrote these. The first one, for example, we were just supposed to write a double-spaced page explaining El Nino, which you see, he actually DOES say what it is (the water warmth thing, etc) and thus why he got full credit. Our teacher, Mr. Rizor, who has a sense of humor, also added his own snide comments on the page. This was 12th grade, he was 18.
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candycane from strangers
Angels Wii Have Heard on High

While I have my doubts about this due to lack of correction all over the paper, I wouldn't doubt the content.
In my senior year of high school we were studying the Holocaust for three weeks and had to write numerous papers. I was burned out on essay-style writing, which has never been my strong suit, so when I had to write about why people listened to Hitler, and how we could prevent such a thing from happening again, it included sentences like(not exact quote, the paper was written years ago):
"Hitler won people over with his smooth-talking. He was all 'You guys, these problems aren't your fault, it's all the damn JEWS that are taking your jobs, and screwing up the country!' And since people have a tendency to blame anyone other than themselves for the bad things that happen to them, the German people thought 'Dude, Hitler's right!' "
And my teacher submitted that essay to a contest held by some remembering the Holocaust essay foundation(Can you believe I didn't win? ). If I'd known she liked that kind of writing that year would have been much easier for me.

Me: "He's 19? Uh oh, I bought him a beer."
A: "You contributed to the deliquency of a minor in drag!"
"Sweet spell check: keeping drunks off the radar since 1995."- IND

Posts: 3986 | From: Illinois, jealous? | Registered: Nov 2005  |  IP: Logged | 
The Bills of St. Mary's

When it came time to do my A-Level maths exam I, along with all the rest of my class, was completely stumped by most of the questions. This is because we had had 5 teachers over the course of 2 years, none of whom swapped notes or knew what had or had not been covered from the curriculum. Turns out that most of the stuff in the exam was stuff that we had never covered at all. We were the gifted class, and not a one of us got higher than an E (which is the lowest passing grade).

Anyway, for one of the questions that covered something I'd never heard of, we were asked to make a graph. Or, more literally "draw axes on a peice of graph paper". So I drew a pair of battle-axes. I don't think I got any marks for it, though.

seriously , everyone on here , just trys to give someone crap about something they do !! , its shitting me to tears.

Posts: 16061 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | 
We Three Blings

In high school, we had a theory that our history teacher didn't read our essay answers, but rather looked at the length and assigned a grade based on that.

Overtired and overworked one night, I neglected to read the entire chapter on the Spanish American War, even though we were being tested on it the next day. I logic-ed my way through the multiple choice, and then looked at the essay question. Not knowing what else to put, and figuring this was as good a time to test our theory about this teacher's grading criteria, I wrote (paraphrased, because this was a good 16 years ago and I need to shorten it):

"I'm going to be honest. I didn't read this chapter. But I do know my great-grandfather thought it was his civic duty to enlist to fight in this war, and enlist he did. The war was over before he was through with training. Being the first wartime member of his family not to serve, he was extremely disappointed, not because he wanted to fight, but because he felt he was letting the family line and proud patriotic history that goes all the way back to the Revolution down. While camped, however, he was disgusted to learn that when they army ran short on food, they sometimes slaughtered horses to supplement the meat reserves. Great-grandfather was horrified that they could do that to such a noble, beautiful animal, and refused to eat any horse meat. I apologize, but I am extremely tired and not thinking straight, and this is the extent of my knowledge about the Spanish American War at this time. I'll read it tomorrow, I promise."

When my paper came back, I had half credit for the answer. I found out he DID in fact read the contents of our answers, because he stated, "While I am disappointed you didn't do your assignment, I respect your use of actual family history in formulating an answer. Since you're a good student overall, I'm giving you credit for applied knowledge. But next time, read your homework."

I had done well enough working out the multiple choice, I ended up with a B.

And for the record, I never stated that the Spanish American War killed people and knocked down trees.

Bender: Oh cruel fate, to be thusly boned. Ask not for whom the bone bones, it bones for thee.

Posts: 1170 | From: Iowa | Registered: Aug 2004  |  IP: Logged | 

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a second great article from the genius little kid jeremy lavine, he's still talking about dangerous natural phenomenons, after el niño, this time he analyzes lightning!

if you read his essay on el niño, you certainly remember how much he cares about dying people & burnt trees, almost the same with this second article, except trees are not "burnt down" but "knocked down" ...

below are the textual then graphic versions of the hilarious article, I didn't highlighted trees passages this time, but others I found interesting, have a good laugh!


What is lightning? Where does it come from? What does it mean? Does it have a meaning? Where does it come from? What is it made of? Is it made of light? Some might say it was made of light.Others contend that lightning is made of fire. that killed people and knocked down trees. Before Benjamin Franklin. Benjamin Frankling was a founding father. He fatherly founded that lightning is made of electricity. Electricity in the sky.

But what of the Greek myths, of the Greek god Zeus and of the popular image of Zeus - a Greek God - throwing down lightning bolts to kill people and knock down trees. Where did he find the time?

And what of lightning being made of fire? In this workaday world in the era of founding father Benjamin Franklin we have nor patience for such concerns. These are for the third world and schizophrenics.

Some people do not understand that lightning is destructive. They ignore the wisdom of their elders and of the founding father Benjamin Franklin. They think lightning is a lie perpetrated by people with a vested interest. At their own peril!!! Lightning kills people and knocks down trees!!! It a power of destruction exercised by the Greek god Zeus, the mightiest of Greek gods!! But they do it: they ignore such wisdom and taunt the powerful exercise of destruction and they worship their idle gods and stand near trees. At their own peril!! Lightning has the killing power to kill people and the destructive power to knock down trees! When you stand near trees, they will be knocked down by lightning and you will be killed by lightning! There is no escape. Lightning will knock down the tree and knock down your soul. Trees are tall.

Many things are tall. Many things attract lightning. But do the two correlate? A recent study says yes. It says that being tall and attracting lighting do correlate. That means that being tall corellates with being struck by lightning. You die when you are stuck by lightning, and your tree is knocked down.

Some people try to measure lightning, they take measurements of it. They use balloons and rockets and their imagination and determination and research money and they put it all in the mixing bowl and they mix storms - storms with lightning - and so they mix in the lightning and then they get the product if they're lucky of measurements about lightning from the storm? What kind of measurements? We may never know ...

as for el niño paper, jeremy got another unfair 10 out of 100 from his teacher, & a good remark on his "rambling" & "babbling", check it out in the graphic version below (click to enlarge).

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